Clumsy fool

Try To Leave A Light On When Im Gone

2008-11-16T15:41:00.003-04:00

Oh dear me friends
It seems i attract cheaters and losers
The guy i spoke of cheated. . fun.
Im just. . im unsure at this point
I guess im just living
Not thinking about tomorrow
Not dwelling on yesterday
Just being now. . enjoying all i have
Friends that make me laugh
Things that bring me joy
No point in focusing on stupid boys and their shinanigans
Just gonna live. . be me and not anyone else
It all sounds super easy but its quite the challenge
I hope it all goes well
Oh other news i dropped my hard class and have a spare now!:)
The other classes are going swell too,no complaints
Hm what else is of importance. .
Oh!i have a favourite director now haha its Guillermo del Torro
He did Pans Labyrinth and Hellboy 2
The things he envisions are ASTOUNDING
They leave me speechless,theyre truly breathtaking
I suppose thats all for the time being!:)

Knock On wood

2008-09-30T11:05:00.002-03:00

Iam sitting in computer engineering and its not fun
Its actually quite boring and im not having fun haha
I thought it would be cool but alas i was terribly wrong lol
Its probably my most boring class,which says alot haha
Oh me and Ian are having a date in a few weeks
Its the only time he doesnt have hockey or a while so we're taking advantage of it haha
Hes really a great guy and i think im really liking him alot
Hes really romantiv and just an all around nice and sweet guy
Hes funny too which helps haha
Oh. . and gorgeous haha but thats just a nesesity
Im lovin him more and more each day and im glad iam:)
Oh and other unrelated news i got a cell phone and im already using it a ton haha
Its an LG rumour and its sexxy of course haha
So thats all thats happened in that last little while
So pretty much life is really good for once. .hopefully it stays that way for a while,knock on wood.

I Wanna Elevate Ya Like An Elevator

2008-09-27T01:16:00.002-03:00

So there are new developments my dear friends
So the guy i told you about asked me out tonight
I said yes
I was hesitant to and i told him that
He seemed pretty receptive so im giving this a try
Hopefully itll go well:)

Pressure Release

2008-09-21T23:58:00.002-03:00

So i have met a guy who is insanely gorgeous
He is a hockey player. . yeaa jealous haha
Is he playing me?Is it all for sex?
Who knows really. .he could be blowing smoke up my ass
I mean hes insanely sweet but tis the distance thing again
Oh my its a very stressing factor
But im seeing how things go for now
Not holding my breath and not jumping into anything
Hopefully everything will work out for the best
For once in my life haha.

Can I Endure Some More

2008-09-11T21:59:00.004-03:00

Well i have not written in a dogs age!Several months actually.
So much has happened that its been a whirlwind of emotions and life lessons
Well i passed grade 11 i should mention. . i dont know how it happened tho haha.
Im now going full time to school and in all honesty its not that bad. . i have some good courses
And its not as horribly torturous as i once thought.
Hm what else is worth mentioning. . oh i had a boyfriend. . he cheated and i broke up with him
Then got back together and,shockingly enough he cheated again. . scum.
Then i was with another guy. . he broke up with me a few days ago to my complete and udder shock.
It was a totaly blindside. .the kind like on reality tv shows where their jaw drops and someone smiles maniacley.
I cried like ive never cried. . it was odd because im not a crier and i just wept. . then found hilarity in television.
My friends say im better off and i half agree. . i mean i wont find someone here but i guess it wont matter when i move to college.
Hopefully Fate will bring good fortune to me for once and stop this giant crap storm of a life its created since last summer.
I dont like sounding this pessimistic and in actuallity life isnt as bad as i make it out to be but its much more dramatic and eye catching haha.
Oh id also like to mention that theres a guy in one of my classes that i find totally and completly HOT so maybe he'll be my chance at happiness. . did i mention hes gorgeous haha.
There isnt much else to mention. . i basically caught up the the last 6 months so ill try and keep this updated as possible because it actually helps me:)

Waking Up Is The Hardest Part

2008-03-22T16:38:00.002-03:00

Well school SUCKS
The school is putting so much pressure on me and its making me stressed
Like every part of my body is aching cuz im so stressed:s
They want me to start going all day now...no not happening
Oh and they want me to do the Literacy Exam which i already did
Im not donig that cuz i already failed it and then passed it so im done
And not only that but it takes a semester to elarn stuff for it
And they told me yesterday and they want em to do it Wednesday
What a bunch of douchbags...seriously theyre high on glue
I hate that school its ghetto and full of assholes
Hopefully i can leave it cuz it sucks tremendously
Besides that im feeling shitty haha i have a cold
I sound like im gonig through puberty ahah
But im just really stressed and thats making me really moody
Hopefully ill start to feel better...hopefully
Anyways its already march and tomorrow is Easter
That is all for now i guess...oh and its 62 days till my trip in may
Goin back to N.B for some good ole fashioned awesomeness lol

Cant even function ha:)

2008-02-21T15:36:00.002-04:00

Well somehow it is Thursday
It certainly doesnt feel like it :s
Well the past couple days i have basically mutilated myself by accident:P
I tripped on the stairs and gashed my toe open..its gross
Then i was getting something off my foot and rammed my head into a wall
Then latter that day my finger started bleeding..i dont know how i cut it
But all is well now and im nursing myself back to health haha
Top model was last night and it was fantastic of course
Idol was last night and i think Ramiele was the best:P
Thats prety much it...oh hoping for a bf still
Me and Max are really close but it wont work cuz of the distance,that sucks
Hes great and i dont wanna break his heart or anything
We shall see how it all turns out

Hypocracy in a singles world

2008-02-13T14:11:00.002-04:00

Well we never went to the movies:(
But i did meet boys haha
And theres this one...his name is Max
He really likes me and i really like him
Problem is he lives further away then i would like
He is such a sweet and amazing guy and he likes me alot
But i dont wanna be a hypocrite and go out with him
When distance was the very reason i broke up with Dan
I dont know what to do...im a tad confused...we'll see what happens
Tomorrow is Valentines day...not fun
Well it might be...im not sure...who's to know
I got alot of work done yesterday...a whole unit basically:)
I hope to finish alot more today and the rest of the week so im not too late
Second semester started last week som im a week behind..ill finish soon
I know i can...but i dont know what i should take next semester
I have to take grd.9 geography,civics adn tehn i can take whatever else i thnk
I also need to do community service:(:(
That is the most stupid thing ever...why should i need that to graduate??
And why do i need two gym credits to graduate??:s
Anyways thats enough for now:)

Movie and cute boys:)

2008-02-08T17:37:00.000-04:00

Havent written in a while..mostly because everythnigs the same
I might be going to the movies with Jenn and Jessie
It all depends on whether i get neough work done and the such
I hope i can go..i really want to...thats what i need
To go out with freinds...have a fun time..the such
Maybe ill see a cute guy hahaha oh i can dream ha
Thats about it really..nothing else gonig on

Notes of freedom and strength wrapping my soul

2008-01-18T22:30:00.000-04:00

Im not gonna lie. . . im a tickle excited lol
Someone besides Alicia commented on my blog!
How fantabulous is that!
Well onto something. . . well less interesting haha
Ive been listening to ALOT of music. . . trying to piece things together
Lyrics have this way of. . .i dont know,putting evrything in percpective
I mean things are still. . . stressful but the more i listen to music the more it all melts away
I started writing again!YAY!
My stories coming along slowly but still its coming along:):)
I also drew a new picture. . . not gonna lie. . . FAB haha
Ive been chatting with alot of cool people that have given new perspectives
And theyve given me new crushes:)
But i presume that is all for now. . . when something interesting happens ill be sure to write:p

2008 sucks already...and its only the second day!

2008-01-02T18:05:00.000-04:00

My lord. . . its only the second day of 2008 and it sucks

Ive been doing work all day. . .since 8:30

I was hopinn that it would get off to a great start. . . i was wrong

Im still all :) but slowly dreading this adismal year that is to come

I have exams in a couple weeks:(

How shitty. . .i ahev to go to that crap of a school. . . and stay the whole day:(

My exams are gonna be HARD. . . like not difficult. . . HARD

So basically im miserable and completly aware of how violently stressed iam

I have to take grade 9 geography next semester apparently. . . hopefully its easy haha

Thatt is all i guess. . . lots of work,stressage,and miserablness

Oh well im over it:)

So whatts it gonna take silver shadow believer

2007-12-24T21:51:00.000-04:00

Itss Christmas eve.
Im slightly happy to mildly happy
Im not extatic but oh well
Ive been rockin out to a song called Le Disko
Ittss a techno-ey songg. . . i very much like it
*Hello little boys,little toys we're the dreams you believe in*
Christmas is tomorrow and im not looking forward to the dinner part
Im looking forward more to the boxing day dinner
Itdd all be alot better with a boyfriend haha.
Well that is all. . .
Merry F***ing Christmas. . . oh sorry we live in a politically correct society. . .
Happy F***ing Hollidays:p

EveryTime i See your Bubbly Face

2007-12-19T16:42:00.000-04:00

I love the song "Bubbly" by Colby Caillat
I've been singing it all day
Its almost Christmas. . . so soon:)
Katie might be setting me up with hott boy:)
I hope it works out
I have so much work as ive mentioned
Its as thick as a dictionary,no joke
Its intense im not gonna lie
Well thatss all for now i guess:)

9 days off Chrissstmmass

2007-12-16T14:11:00.000-04:00

I havent written in quite some time
There is 9 days until Christmas. . . i am excited
Christmas is always a fun time. . . im slightly unexcited about some parts
Oh well im over it hahaha
I have so much work to do today and over the next month
Its gonna be intense. . . no lie
My first week of diet and excercise is almost over
I already feel great!
I like the feeling that im getting healthier and becoming better as a whole
Back to work. . . if i finish all my work in time i deserve a medal
I mean if i finish it i will have done a semesters worth of work in probably a third of the time
Thats pretty good if i do say so myself:)
I should be working but i got distracted haha
Hopefully ill get a boyfriend. . . i at least want one before Valentines Day
If im alone again on V-day ill be totally. . . emo hahaha no i kid,i kid
Well that is all for noooww

Fantastic for once

2007-12-05T14:28:00.000-04:00

Im singing
And Dancing
I feel fantastic for reason
I dont know what it is
I excersised today and feel it
Dance is helpin too
Fun. . . fun thats what im having
But i must work too

ERRRVVERYWHERRRR

2007-12-02T21:00:00.000-04:00

AHHH IM IN MY NEW ROOMM!!!!!
Its so very exciting. . . i just had to hook my comouter up first
It took me almost 30 minutes to hang a picture
Yes i am that sad hahaha
Its not perfect. . . theres boxxes errverywherr
I have to get it all clean before i get to bed yay
I get new sheets too!!!
How wonderous!
Im so very excited!!!YAY!

You can run into my arms,its ok dont be alarmed

2007-12-01T15:25:00.000-04:00

Im on a road to recovery
I wanted the produtc Proactiv to clear up my skin
My mom got it:)She said she'd give it to me ealry if i wanted
I do. . . i very do!
So i shall have better skin and hopefully better body;)
Im kinda down at times. . . the whole single aspect
I know i cry about that all the time but oh well haha
Maybe once i get all. . . hotty-up,haha,then ill attract some fool
Hopefully thatll be soon haha. . . id hate to spend another Valentines Day alone:(
Mehh i try to be positive but. . . not so effective at times
Hopefully ill meet someone soon. . . whos actually close haha
I seem to always meet guys who are like. . . far away,how bothersome
I need a guy close. . . hopefully when i become HOTT,haha,ill meet one
And hopefully hes not an ass which alot of guys around here seem to be
Oh welll i guess right hahaha

Awkward beauty is in my heart

2007-11-29T22:27:00.000-04:00

Ahh i havent written since Satturday
Last night i watched,as always, ANTM. . . it was devastating
My favourite. . . the one to win it all,dear Heather was eliminated
I was heart broken. . . how could they. . . she was THE best
I dont think i shall watch anymore. . . no one deserves to win
Blah im over that now
My room should be finished tomorrow if its not blizzarding haha
The trim is down there. . . sitting there cut it just needs to be put on
Its gonna look FAB i guarentee
If its done tomorow i can move in IMMEDIATLY
Im a tickle excited. . . i have a wicked frame with amazing pics
They are of my friends. . . Ashlie,Michelle,Chelsea,Alicia and more
Its amazing. . . i love it
Im so very excited for Christmas and the such. . . good times
I shall be off. . . im gonig to write a little then to bed. . . im up early tomorrow

Ahhh i need a boyfriend lol haha oh and the song Silly World by SR-71. . .wicked lol

Sciatic nerve...damage...hurtting lol

2007-11-24T22:56:00.000-04:00

Ahhh my leg hurts:(:(:(
Theres somethnig wrong with the sciatic nerve in my leg
It starts from the lower back and goes to your foot. . . biggest nerve in the body
It hurts to walk on my left leg
When i step down pain shoots up my leg
Hurts. . . hurts alot
Oh i want my tongue pierced . . . thought id add that haha
Hopefully i can get it soonish
But that is it. . . pain and wanting haha

Everythnig i loved seems so different

2007-11-23T15:24:00.000-04:00

Ahh im so in love with a song
Its Gardenia by Mandy Moore
It is heavenly. . . its just to die for
So. . . omg powerful and amazing!

"Im the one that likees gardenia
Im the one that likes to make love on the floor
I dont wanna hang up the phone yet
Its been good getting to know me more"

Veryy good:)
Thats basically all the news i have for now
Oh i picked Michelle's presesnt out:)
Hope she likes

Cute boyys flocking me:):P

2007-11-22T12:17:00.000-04:00

Well me and the cute boy,Carl,are getting close
He tells me alot im cute and things like that
I like it. . . its nice to have someone say that stuff
On the other hand. . . it sucks cuz nothing will happen
Its a very tough dilema. . . very bad
At this time i shall just enjoy it because its nice:)
Theres another boy that might have a crush on me:O
Whoa i must be wicked shhweettt hahaha
Hopefully a boy close will fall under my irresistable spell haha
Oh it is snowing!
I must mention that. . . it started yesterday at 3:30 and hasnt stopped
I love snow. . . it makes me very happy
I very much love the holidays. . . they bring out the best. . . well in most
I best be gettin to my work:s
Im behind,not good
Ive made my christmas list hehee yup i sure ahve
It doesnt ahve much no it. . . just vital things haha

Song to listen to: Home -Three Days Grace

Its of extreme importance...its my first Teenage Love Affair

2007-11-19T16:55:00.000-04:00

The AMA's were quite fantastic
Chris Brown danced amazingly as usual
Rihanna was fantastical
Beyonce won an award. . . a big one
Alicia Keys was amazing
Speaking of Alicia Keys. . . her new cd is D-lightful
Im listenin to the song Lesson Learned. . . it is very good
I also like the song Superwoman. . . very good
Im in a mixed mood today. . . im happy:) but also sad to be single
A boy added me on msn. . . he said im cute:)
He is really cute. . . really hehe but he lives far away,surprise
All the boys that seem to think im cute live far away
So sad:(
I want to draw. . . soemthing good. . . maybe soon
I have lots of work to do so i should do it hehe

Sit-ups for the body and mind

2007-11-14T16:18:00.000-04:00

I excersised yesterday and today
It was actually quite easy
The muscles in my stomach are getting. . . more muscley haha
They are. . .not really burning but kinda ache
Sit ups can do wonders hehe
I had a sub for lunch,it was delish
That was actually all i ate. . . that is surprising. . . im not even hungry
You know what thats called. . .growth hahaha
I am swamped with work
I have a semesters worth to do in half the time
So stressful
I hope im doing well enough so far
Its very hard. . . no one told me grade 11 would be so hard
Maybe a boyfreind would help hehe
I want to have one soon. . . well not so much HAVE as be with haha
But like i say if it happens WICKED if not then ok
Hopefully that mentality will be helpful

Selfconscious of idea's of improvement

2007-11-12T17:08:00.000-04:00

Im feeling gross
Im over weight and i hate it
Its hard to deal with it once its. . . here already
Its hard to excersice when it gets down to the negative digits
I need things that i can do during the day to help
I need to change my diet completly
I want to do this and i want to do it very,very soon
I need to not only for my health but to make me feel better about myself
People dont understand how hard it is to be overweight unless they are
People can say im not but i am. . . you may not be able to tell but iam
Its not good and lately ive had trouble breathing which totally scares me
Im gonig to do something about it effective soon
Tomorrow even. . . i need to do ti and stick to it
Ill need the motivation of Chels or Michelle to help
Maybe then ill attract someone. . . hopefully damnt haha.

Everybody live like its the last day you will ever see

2007-11-11T16:38:00.000-04:00

Im tres blah et meh :(
Im not really sure why. . . i guess once again its all getting to me
Im not a big fan of being single. . . its pretty shitty
I see all these guys when i go out to the store
It sucks knowing that they probably dont even notice me
Is there something wrong with me?
Thats my big issue. . . im self conscious
I wish i wasnt. . . maybe thatd attract someone. . . probably not
I dont like being so down and ''emo'' but oh well
Maybe ill find someone soon
Im guessing no.

Once a whore you're nothing more

2007-11-08T16:39:00.000-04:00

Listening to Paramore stil hehe
I love them <3
Simple Plans new song "When Im Gone" is. . . whoa different and wicked
Everyone says all their songs sound the same well you cant say that with this song
Im gonig to school tomorrow:(
I go at like 10:30 with my mom and we chat with my teacher Mr.Roehrig
He is really cute. . . from what i saw haha
Maybe ill meet a boy if im lucky. . . that would be just splendid
Im not gonna hold my breath or anything. . . if it happens it shall be great though
Whenever i get my lisence i get a cell phone:O
My dad made that deal so now im going out more and driving and want the book
I want the cell phone more then my lisence haha how sad
I picked it out. . . its pretty wicked im not gonna lie
Me and Amber have first period together which is pretty sweet\
Hmm. . . not much else to say really. . . my room is almost finished
Just the trim and its done!HOORAY!
Its beens snowing for the past 3 days yet there is hardly any snow on the ground. . . odd
My mom wants to put the christmas tree up soon haha its ritual .

She is slutty

2007-11-07T16:43:00.000-04:00

I have been introduced to the wonder they call Paramore:)
It is a wicked group and i love them
I listen to Misery Business over and over
I cant wait to watch Americas Next Top Model tonight
My slutty cousin is here hehe
She is sick like me..we are so kolo lol

Dont you know that it would be so simple

2007-11-05T16:20:00.000-04:00

I met a boy:P
He is very very cute
His name is Mike and he has alot of piercings haha
I like piercings. . . they are kinda sexy haha weird
It hailed and frightened me. . .all i heard was things hitting the windows
But it stopped soon after
My camera fell off my printer. . .it startled me
Damn haunted computer
Jenn gave me a good idea for a drawing
Im taking an old picture and making it modern
Im making the mona lisa modern. . . i hope it works
I also have a poem brewing. . . i might just share it hehe

I made a wallet out of a juice box:)

2007-11-04T17:51:00.001-04:00

So my weekend was actually good
Saturday i got my things:)
Today i hung out with Pim
Amber wasnt there as per usual. . . whore
I ate cookies today. . . They were delish:p
Im not to talkative. . . blog wise
Not much has happened so i shall end with this:
The colts are winning so far hehe

Some people need three dozen roses

2007-11-02T22:14:00.000-03:00

I have a haunted picture
Its totally frightening but awesome
There is a face in my picture. . . above me. . . in my hair
I printed the picture and when it came out the face was there
It wasnt there before
Im baffled:s
Its amazing and wicked but frightening
I like the fact of a haunted photo
Its still scarey hehe
Well tomorrow im going shopping for computer things
I require ink and photo paper
I have an amazing picture frame that is black and says memories
So i plan to print pictures of my besties to put in it
On sunday im going to the farm(my grandparents)
Pim and Amber shall be ther and me and Pim are pushing Amber
We made plans for it hehe
It sounds like an ok weekend. . . far better than past ones
Ive rediscovered my Alicia Keys cd. . . she is amazing

I dont think youd like those

2007-11-01T18:01:00.001-03:00

It is the day after Halloween and im eating my sisters candy:p
Its my grandfathers birthday and he and my grandma are coming over
We got him a present of candy hehe
I wish i could have the candy. . . ill tell him that he probably doesnt like it
Im bored. . . i havent done any school work in about 3 weeks
Its refreshing but exhausting
I need to be stimulated mentally
Just sitting around and watching tv is not fun:(
I kinda wanna go to school. . . but only HHS
Very loyal of me haha
Anyways time is somehow passing by fast but slow
Sometimes it seems a day ahead then a day behind. . . confusing:s
Now that i think of it. . . Christmas is coming soon
I must buy presents. . . well buy presents with my parents money
I look very much to the hollidays. . . hopefully theyll be happy times

Home is where the heart is...my heart isnt here

2007-10-30T18:22:00.001-03:00

I want to be home
I hate this place more tehn ive hated anything else
Im so. . . not so depressed but just. . . unattached
Its painful being in this place i hate
I wanna be in a place where i see people i like
A place were like me. . . alot
Where i know and are friends with everyone
Why cant i be in that place?
I want to be. . . but i know it wont happen
Im hurting. . .and it sucks. . . alot
Somebody save me. . . take me away

It Snowed!!!

2007-10-28T10:33:00.000-03:00

It snowed!
I am so very excited!
How joyous to see the ground covered in snow!
It just brings that happy feeling. . . which is what i need
I knew,even before waking up that it had snowed
The light from outside seemed. . . brighter and i remembered it was to be cold
I opened the curtain and saw. . . it was spectacular!
Im in a so very happy mood from it
I stood ad the glass door and was just repeating "it snowed"
But the sun is now shining
I hope the snow does not leave me:(
But now i must paint. . . paint my room to get it finished damnt!
And im off!!

Im Ellen Degeneres

2007-10-26T17:22:00.000-03:00

I got a hair cut today

I look like a lesbian. . . it is horrible. . . i dislike it

Not only that but my eyebrow ring. . . hole healed a tad

I took it out last night for today and i had to lube it and jam it in

It hurt and still does

Its pulsing

I dislike it here VERY much

I want to be in New Brunswick

Id cut off a limb to live back tehre

Its so depressing here. . . everythnig sucks

I miss home:(

Show off that body you got

2007-10-23T19:45:00.000-03:00

Things are definetly wonky
Im flirting up a whirlwind storm
I flirt with crushes and just people in general:)
Im a slut hehe
There is a mysterious plan being made
Whether it will come into fruition is unclear
. . . Its a musing moreso. . . a thing talked over
If it happens my expression will be :O:O:O:O:D:D:D:D
If not then itll be a normal :). . . or perhaps :
No the same but oh well i guess right haha
Im not sure if i mentioned but part 1 of my drawing is finished
Im staring at the moon. . . damn you cocky orb in the sky
Britghtly shining in my window. . . i will destroy you!

Life is a ship and im a passenger wanting it to sink

2007-10-22T17:59:00.000-03:00

I feel like dying
Life isnt how i pictured it
I always imagined being with a guy was perfect
Doing what i wanted. . . sticking up for what i wanted
Its all gone in the wind. . . and im left here to cry
Nothings what i wanted. . . nothing i had imagined
It sucks. . . life sucks. . . it all sucks
I cant find anyone. . . why is that?. . . i dont know
Its all too much. . . theres not enough life. . . at least life worth living
But i keep going. . . why?. . .thinking about others again
Ill just stay sad. . .and lonely. . . and not happy with everythnig
Everytime i try and gasp for air i get smothered in this chair
Ill continue my charade of happiness

Not my year...

2007-10-21T17:38:00.000-03:00

My mood has changed...iam now down
Im all of a sudden sad...well since about 20 minutes ago
Im thinking about all this school drama
It makes me sick.
Everyone looks out for themselves and i dont get what i want
It sucks
I dont wanna stick to their plan
I wanna stick to my plan
I wanna,for once,have my way...not someone elses
Life has a way of doing that...making me the last pleased.

Why does it keep happening?

"My Tree has a Vagina in it"

2007-10-21T13:21:00.000-03:00

My drawing is going swimmingly
So far there is a tree..climbing from fire..all spewing from me:)
I hope to finish the first part soon and get on to the other three
Maybe itll be a masterpiece
Maybe itll be totally ewness
But i hope for a masterpiece
My room is yet to be finished...ive already picked everything thats gonig into it
All black things...to make the room very...exotic:)
Hopefully itll be a masterpiece as well

My mood is thought spewingly plaguing

A Sea Nymph On Acid Climbing A Wall

2007-10-18T18:38:00.000-03:00

I have an idea.
Its for a drawing i want to do
I think itll be pretty. . . well amazing(not to be all boastey)
Hopefully ill get started and it wont look like crap
Thats my expectation. . . not crap
My room shall be finished soon. . . tomorrow or saturday
Then i can get all new stuff for it.YAY.

Im a sea nymph on acid climbing a wall. . . thats my mood

What happened. . .

2007-10-17T14:18:00.000-03:00

Confusion. . . Regret. . . Lonely. . . EMOTION
Im confused as why people who are meant to help seek their own benefits
I regret not making a stand about moving
Im so lonely it hurts
Im so amazingly emotional its hard to stand.

Im now kind of going to school. . . i go in and get work, bring it home then sometime later i bring it back and get more work. This is the agreement the school has reached with me. . . i dont like it. I dont want to go anywhere near that school but now im forced to because people look out for themselves.

The only school i want to go to is Hampton High and i cant because i didnt make a big enough fuss about moving. . . i wish i had. I miss my friends. . . i dont want to make new ones. . . i want to be back.

God im so amazingly sad and lonely. . . it sucks alot. Im so desperate to find someone. . . but no one near me is like me. . . maybe with going to school alittle ill find someone interested in me.

My emotions are all over the board. . . last night i was fine then i got really depressed and then had a headache and really dizzy. I still was both of those things this morning as we went to the school. . . i just masked it easily. . . i should be an actor. . . id be great at it.

Flirtation comes so narturally

2007-10-15T13:46:00.000-03:00

I finally got the paint for my room.
How F : A : N : T : A : S : T : I : C
Its called Oriental Express. . . its a really dark red and very sexy lol.
My uncles going to paint my room sometime then my room will be almost FINISHED.
School is very boring and ive met some people in the last little while.
I re-met an old friend from Elem. School and yesterday i met a new friend.
Im not ashamed to say but i flirt with him alot lol. . . its alot of fun.
Im really ansty to get into my room. . . im tired of being cramped in this spare room.
Im in an interesting mood.
Thank You Alicia. . . i like writing like this. . . in lines lol it is very amusing

R.I.P. Uncle Jeff

2007-10-10T22:22:00.000-03:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Whoa am i ever fucking pissed!Well my dads being a fucking idiot as usual cuz my sister was being a total bitch and i told her to stop and of course he fucking spazed at me oh ya thats nice you prick!!!!I also find it extremly fun how people ask for my opinion,i give it then they spaz at me cuz its not what they want to hear...well idont fucking care...they can hate me its not gonna bother me at all cuz like fuck its so annoying like jesus just get off my fucking back!!!Well thats should be it for now.

Oh today we got a new like plasma tv..id be watchhing it if my dad wasnt so fucking stupid:).
Also yesterday my Uncle passed away:(

Thanksgiving vomit

2007-10-07T14:30:00.000-03:00

I am so not looking forward to the next two days!!Today im gonig to my nanny's for thanksgiving dinner...great sitting around doing abosolutly nothing and bored to the point i wanna kill myself and of course we have to leave like 3 hours early you know just cuz thats some sort of thnig ith holidays.No ones gonne be there...except old people...great the smell of turkey and mothballs..how pleasant!Id much rather fake being sick...make myself puke just to get out of gonig,thats hoe much i dont wanna go!Tomorrow will be a little better....im going to my grandparents and therell be more people my age but like still i ahte these family things...they suck!And one of the few people i want to be there wont because of like this fight and thats rpetty shitty.All and all id much rather have a vicious disease then go through the next couple days.Oh and i should note that im still single and probably will be until i die...how nice.

Paz Vega is Spanish for Ashley Judd.

2007-10-02T23:11:00.000-03:00

I havent written in a while so i thought i might.Im well to be honest pretty meh... i hate being single... i need a boyfriend more then i thought... once youve had someone it sucks not having them.I need someone but it seems that all the mo's are either fairys or closeted... i mean its so hard and everyone says the usual 'itll happen when it happens' well what if it doesnt happen till im like 20... that means single life for 4 years... ya no thanks.

Im totally in love with a song called Dear Mr.President by Pink.It is amazing... i love her voice in it... i love the simple but moving music and i love the lyrics... theyre... great actually.

"How can you say no child is left behind... we're not dumb and we're not blind.They're all sitting in your cells while you pave the road to hell.What kind of father would take his own daughters rights away and what kind of father would hate his own daughter if she were gay"

Very powerful song and i love it.I also have random Will and Grace quotes stuck in my head...

"Paz Vega is spanish for Ashley Judd", "Jasmine...you have such beautiful hair... id like to see it on my dresser by bedtime", "Whoa Karen i love the blonde... its very Mary J Blige meets Barbra Eatmon meets My Little Pony".

Well i guess thats all my rambling for now...i hope you enjoyed Alicia lol.Hopefully ill find a man soon... im very lonely... oh how emo of me lol.

Broken Hearts and rekindled Musings

2007-09-07T19:51:00.000-03:00

Well alright alot has happened in the span of a month but im gonna keep it short.Dan and i broke up,i know very sad and emo but it had to happen.It was just too hard not being able to see him so thats over.School started tuesday..well i started wednesday at like 12 lol Im doing school online and shit so ya i rock lol I havent done very much so far but i better cuz i can finish school up to 3 months or more early which is wicked!!!Well..thats about it.....ya not much actually lol Oh my freind Jenn is being a very good girl and might have found a fella for me,yay!lol Thats it for now.

Partyin' and Piss-like Drinks

2007-08-05T10:32:00.001-03:00

Well yesterday was my dads big birthday bash and well..it was less then bash-like lol.It was mostly my moms side of the family there for it,lol,except for a few from my dads side...basically his two sisters...and thats it.Oh his parents were there but still..holy crap none of his siblings besides the sister came..thats kinda shitty.Pim and Amber didnt come either so i was basically alone..Cort and Jer came over and brought Michelle,Jeremys girlfriend, and some guy..i didnt catch his name lol..he was kinda cute lol.It was a pretty mellow time though..sittin around and chattin it up..all that fun stuff.I had a headache for the most part of it which sucked but since im awesome i pulled through lol.My Aunt Lisa and her family couldnt come which sucked cuz shes a fuckin hoot lol.We had a huge bonfire,though we werent suposed to cuz of the fire ban lol, and there was no cake(bastards!)and we had no fireworks(awww:( )but there were sparklers..which pretty much got boring as soon as you lit them lol.And now we're gonna be eating salads and hamburgers for the next month lol which im fine with.But that was pretty much it..i had like half a cooler and didnt drink the rest cuz it tasted like piss basically lol...i think its still out by the rock i was sitting on lol.

Times and Outage

2007-07-30T00:42:00.000-03:00

Well i sittin here on a sunday night..almost early monday morning.Im waitin for Dan..what a loser lol tells me 9:30 and its 11:42...oh he'll hear about this lol.Well i should probably say i came out to my parents like...a couple days ago..ya its all good..no big fiasco or anything.Im pretty bored and dont even know why im blogging cuz i really have nothing to say lol so ill go now

A Call and a Memorable Goodbye

2007-07-24T19:55:00.000-03:00

Well today i CALLED DAN!!!!!!!*jumps around in excitment*.It was so wicked..he sounded just like i thought he would lol I dont know he just had that...like...rockery...sound lol i dont know how to explain it but it sounded like i thought lol.We apparntly talked for an hour it didnt seem like it but meh time goes by fast.At first i was so nervous like i was sitting on my hands i was so nervous...the first like 5 minutes were kinda silencey but it got alot better lolWe talked about us stuff so like stupid shit lol and my favourite part was the end cuz i said i love you and he said i love you too and it felt really...good to hear him actually say it *giggles*.I was so0 happy it was amazing!!On a diff note i get to pick my glasses up tomorrow!!!!!Ill take a picture...and probably put it on facebook lol so everyone can see..well...ill send Dan a copy cuz you know its him lolBut thats really all the information i came to say.

P.S. Youre welcome Alicia for making your decision lol

A Title to Make Me Weep

2007-07-20T19:38:00.000-03:00

Well its Friday...i dont know what relevance that has to anything i just thought id mention it lol.Today myself,my mom,and my sister headed over to Hakim Optical so i could pick out some rockin spectecales lol They are black and rectangular...they are thick frames and apparently 'bold and creative looking' on me according to the chick at the store lol.Besides that nothing has really happened today...Amber might be staying next too..she sint sure yet but its a maybe for now.OMG!!!ok me and the crew(my fam)lol get home from eating supper at this restaurant,lol, i get onto my trusty msn and glance at whos on and all i see is "Dan-♥I love you Kyle♥"...i instantly started like going teary eyed!It was one of the best things ive ever seen..its....omg it just amde me so happy to see that he did that!Like omg everyone..well...basically just Alicia lol im so in lvoe with him...ive never felt this way in my entire life and i love the feeling!I mean he says the most aboslute sweetest things ever like "Im so lucky to have such an amazing guy like you"...im not making this stuff up!!He said that to me and i like almost cried!!!it was so SWEET!!!It was just...awesome to see that in his msn name:)

"This little musing..."

2007-07-16T11:39:00.001-03:00

Ive been trying to write a blog now for the longest time..i tried yesterday but before i could publish it my dad disconnected the internet:(lol.Well alot has happened since the 8th..well not really but ill pretend that stuff did lol. Well...hmm...oh on the 12th me and Dan celebrated..not really celebrated as made apparent,lol,that we've been together 3 months!YAY US!lol Really besides that nothing has happened...OH!!!!We got a new kitty!!!!His name is Swashbuckler lol i got to name it teehee lol. Id add pictures but cuz i have dial up it takes forever and i dont have that kind of patience lol. Either way hes wicked cute lol Oh speaking of wicked cute 'hes' lo on Big Brother..there is the one of the hottest guys EVER!Nick is like..a god lol seriously hes probably the only reason im really wacthing the show lol.I mean..*drools*..he kind of reminds me of a guy at my old skool,Blair Driscoll,..they both have that like...hottness vibe just radiating off of them lol Im just sitting there each night thinking 'Oh god Nick...just be gay..cmon...just do it!' lol but thats probably in vain cuz he is flirting with Daniele..whore lol Anyways my cousin Amber is staying for the week cuz shes a skank...or..at least thats the reason ive given lol But i think i shall end this little musing for now..oh and ill try and put a picture up of my kitty later.

Painting a Scene in the Humidity

2007-07-08T14:56:00.000-03:00

Ok so im at my Aunt Debbie's right now cuz she has a computer lol.We're moved into our house but all my boxes are still full and in the closet cuz my room is being redone still so i have to wait until i can move in and trick it out lol.Its gonna be a wicked dark red and on the one wall is gonna be like a murally thing im making of like the see,hear,and speak no evil things but way wickeder lol.For the see no evil its like this prepp chick with big sunglasses on,for the hear no evil its this punk dude with huge headphones on and for the speak no evil theres like this wicked emo chick with tape over her mouth,i couldnt think of anything else for the speak no one lol.But thats it for now...ill try and keep everyone up to date on my current happenings.

The Last Words of the Early Morn'

2007-07-01T01:03:00.001-03:00

Ya its like wicked late..or wicked early seeing as its in the very early am.I dont know why im up so late...im kind of tired..hm..but anyways my parents should be arriving soon with the truck and such and tomorrow..well..today we can get started on packing it.I probably wont be back on the computer until around Wendnesday so you'll just have to do with my medeocre tidings and such.Anyways im gonna go..ill miss everyone while im gone!!!YOU GUYS ROCK!!ESPECIALLY YOU ALICIA!lol..im still expecting my blog post entirly about me lol.

A Meeting To Remember Forever

2007-06-29T15:36:00.000-03:00

It is now Friday and im going to be moving..sometime lol It'll most likely be the Sunday so that should be interesting.My parents are coming home tomorrow rather than today so...i dont know what that has to do with anything i thought id mention it lol.I dont have really much to say really..its oddly a quiet day in my delightful mind.OH!In about two weeks me and Dan are gonna meet!My cousin,Amber who is now my favourite relative lol,is going shopping in London so she said she'd take me!!Im so wicked excited!!Dan kind of has to come out though but if he doesnt then we'll just hang out with Amber for the day which will be just as awesome,as long as im with him ill be fine.But if he doesnt i wont be mad..i dont want to make him do anything he doesnt feel comfortable doing so so if he doesnt we have a nice day of shopping!lol and if he does come out..we're going to the park!I love the swings!!lol

Riding with the Rings of a Master.

2007-06-27T22:35:00.000-03:00

It is Hump day today lol i thought id start with a fun and edgey sentence lol.Well today was amusing..it was basically a going away party but not.Me,Michelle and Chelsea walked down from Michelles house to Timmies where we sat for about 10-15 minutes..we were the only peaople,not working there, that were under like 60.We enjoyed our chocolate cheese cake and other goodies and,in true us fashion,we went to the dollar store lol.We bought party masks,party hats,a purple wig for me and a bag of pimp rings.We wore the rings around Hampton and then when we turned onto Michelles street we geared up and put everything else on..we got some looks and a woman stopped and asked what the occasion was..i replied with 'nothing..just a normal Wednesday' lol.Sam then drove by and stopped to talk to us,she is so awesome lol, we then touched hands and she went on her way.We arrived at Michelles house and watched the movie "Ghost Rider",which was really good..i liked it alot, and afterwards we ate some food.I was all geared up for swimming but we had to go cuz Ray and Nicolle were going to Nicolle's soccer game and he was driving us home.I got home and since then ive been talking to Dan basically..and Chels and I had to explain to my cousin how i know im gay..well how i knew,which is a wicked hard question to answer...i think i confused her but shes alright now.Now im just sitting and listening to Kelly Clarkson ,cuz im addicted to her new cd, and talking to Dan and Chelsea.Im kind of like stressing myself out for no reason..im kind of freaked cuz i dont know how im gonig to be able to see Dan and stuff and i was asking him and he was saying that he didnt care how he did he'd get to see me somehow.Hes just the greatest!I love him so much!

Out and ''Sober''

2007-06-26T19:25:00.000-03:00

Well today's been pretty interesting..i basically came out..kind of.I put "I love you Dan' in my msn name and everyone was like 'whos dan' and stuff and mostly everyone was like 'oh really,im so happy'.There was only one that was not like that and that was my cousin and she was just shocked..she thought i was joking at first and then she was just speechless..i dont know if thats good or bad or what but oh well.My parents will end up finding out through my cousins cuz they arent the most quiet people lol but hey i dont care..i love Dan and i dont want to hide it anymore.And plus i dont think theyll be all hideously angry or anything...surprised but thats probably about it.And im sure if i go to see Dan without telling them and im gone for the day they might get suspicious lol.On a different note and probably the last lol go to www.aolmusic.com and you can listen to Kelly Clarksons new album..it is SOOO good i love the song "Haunted" and "Sober" they are so good.

Wet Hair Under Over Cast Skies

2007-06-24T09:45:00.000-03:00

Ok so me and Michelle actually did go to see Fantastic Four and omg,probably the koolest movie ive ever seen!!!I enjoyed every second of it,which is hard to do for me cuz im just like 'no dont even' sometimes.But afterward,oh my lord, were we ever hyper..they mustve put crack on our popcorn cuz we were like all laughing and such and it was mega fun though.Last night me and Dan had a big heart-to-heart talk about stuff and then as it ended,cuz i was kinda getting sad and..well crying,Dan was making me laugh and stuff:)Todays going to be interesting...ill inform on why itll be interesting later,but that seems to be it for now.

Thoughts of love and beads

2007-06-23T16:24:00.000-03:00

Whoa time flies fast y'all!I mean next week ill be moving!It only seems like yesterday that my parents crushed all my dreams lol Im all mixed over it all and its just weird..i must be a complete mess then..cuz im sad and happy and kinda just accepting it and stuff and ..its all weird.I might be going to see Fantastic Four with Mrs.Michelle tonight,shes checking the time just incase i cant go cuz of our guests tonight.But ya the past few days Danny's been...well he's been making me wanna see him so bad..he calls me cute and stuff and here stuff like this "why do you have to be so cute then?" that just meaks me blush majorly and go all shakey!I love him so much and im so excited to see him...we have a nap date set up too lol.He's the reason that im excited to move..besides that im..im actually indifferent to the situation now and that kinda startles me.But hopefully itll all end well for everyone and ill be fine.Oh i also got the wickedest necklace today..its a chakra necklace..its supposed to help clear your chakra and give inner peace and serenity,which i need.But its wicked kool..and from a first glance it looks like a gay pride necklace too.Oh i guess we're not going to the movies now lol but im fine with that i enjoy some alone time anyways.Oh my it just started to rain randomly:S.This blog is kinda all over the place..i dont know why..maybe cuz Danny keeps saying the cutest things and making my hands shake lolBut i guess i shall end this for now with one last thing:Daniel Fudgington lol or Daniel Hug'n'Kiss lol...i have no life lol

Blurred vision and dizzying thoughts.

2007-06-20T18:42:00.000-03:00

Well first of all Kates party was the wickedest thing ever!!!We had a wicked water fight and a bonfire and i had my first smore,i know lol,i had whipped cream smeared in my face,pictures galore and i had my first alcoholic experience:DIt was so fun!!i loved it im so glad i went and had a most spectacular time!!But the so sad part is that i forgot my glasses in the tent and apparently when they were taking the tent down they walked all over it and..my glasses are ruined..the arm snapped right off of it so im blind and i mean jesus its been like 5 days since ive worn them and i have major headaches and im dizzy and i cant afford to get new ones either:(So im right sad cuz of it.I move next week so it showed be fun..im really excited actually cuz ill get to see Dan and stuff*blushes*cuz i love him so i hope it goes all well and the such.But thats enough complaining fro now i better go..im really all blah.

5 minute period of thought.

2007-06-12T13:54:00.000-03:00

It is Tuesday afternoon and in about 5 minutes i have to go to the bus stop and retrieve my sister.Stupid Michelle gave me her damn cold!!My voice just sounds loverly because of it.I now have 1 more exam left then im done..i did Science today and it was pretty easy..i had an hour and 10 minutes out of the 2 hours left.English was on monday and it was also easy the only one im probably gonna have trouble with is math*shudders*its gonna be one of those things where its either easy and ill know it or ill forget it and be like 'god damn you teacher and your so called teaching abilities!!'.I signed up for my courses for next year..im taking English,Math,Biology,Media Studies,Digital..something,and Introduction to:Anthropology,Psychology and Sociology.So it should be a wicked year,coruse wise..which is not very usual to say.But it seems my 5 minutes is up so i best be off to the corner..that makes me sound like a prostitute...im not denying anythnig lol.

Philosophy in the Heat of Night

2007-06-09T22:18:00.000-03:00

Well...hm...i seem to always begin my musings with the word 'well'..i dont know why that is..i guess its just that one word that seems to come out of my mouth when i begin to tell something.But ill get down to the utter importance of this fine blog...i dont know exactly what that is right now i just thought id write a blog.Today was intensly unintense...i was home all day,a shock there, i woke up at like 11 and my fam left for the community pool at around 1:30 and i was home alone till about..4 then..well that was basically it really now im just trying to stay cool as the sweltering heat in the devils doorstep(my room) burns me.Things are in an interesting state as of now..im just waiting the time to pack my things and head back to familiar lands and familiar faces but a place that is not home.It will be hard at first..not being able to see faces that have graced my days but it will get better with time,hopefully.I dont know what this sensation is that pricks at my heart,turning it to lead..or iron or some other unmentionably hard metal..it seems to make the emotions trapped inside,which i dont mind..i would prefer to have everything kept in and not on my sleeve but it keeps things out as well..making me feel as if i let people down by not letting them in.As i wrote that down and pressed the trusty '.' i stopped..i didnt know what to put after that..it seemed to stop the thoughts from leaking out of my fingertips and into my blog.Im just constantly thinking about..everything..i mean its all swirling around,a catatonic vortex of intelect and thought which forms the ocean around the island that is my imagination..trapped within and shows itself at times of need.Its peculiar and unknowing but yet normal and trusted...its an odd assortment of things that fuse together to form me.I realize now that this blog has been a riddle of emotions and thought and not even i can decipher its meaning nut i leave it to the readers to try..and if its figured out tell me..cuz i sure as hell dont know.

Thoughts during 4th period.

2007-06-08T13:52:00.000-03:00

Well iam here in bbt class and it is right the wicked..well that would be a lie cuz theres like 6 here now cuz everyone basically skipped..which is what i should have done!!i mean we're doing nothing..the last day before exams so its like all...boring and no one here!its nice its like super quiet..that makes me sound kinda nerdy lol but oh well im fantastic.anyways i better get back to all my work..you know wandering aimlessly around the class and feeling chelseas extra smooth legs:)

Stressing in an open window

2007-06-05T17:53:00.000-03:00

Well its getting closer to when i move and each day i get more and more stressed.Im just so..urgh i dont know..im just all over the place,thinking wise.Its all so much for me to take in and its hard and iver been snapping at people and not realizing it.I was pissed i missed the film festival at school..Pat's film was gonna be in it and thats why i was so stocked,Alicia said it was really funny and good but he ended up having editing problems and couldnt get it in.He seems like a wicked guy,really nice and incredibly cute:P.I got my yearbook yesterday and its basically full which is always a good sign..i still have some people that have to sign it to make it complete but ill get them soon.I cant wait for next friday/saturday cuz my friend,Kate, is having this party and its like a bbq,bombfire and camping thing so it should be right wicked.

Thinking on a night of clouds.

2007-05-30T21:28:00.001-03:00

Well its wednesday night and im just sitting here listening to music..thinking about..well basically everything.The day is fast approaching..i can either choose to leave with my mom and sis on the 25th or stay with my dad and go on the like 30th..either way thats..what..3 weeks.I dont know what it is but..i want the day to come..i want it to just be here so i dont have to sit and wait for it..anticipate its arrival and watch as it tears people apart and tears my life apart at the seams.I mean i dont want to move at all but a part of me is like..well maybe its for the best..maybe everything will pan out and be ok..itll all be alright as long as i keep to the positive.Its not like ill never see my friends again..i mean alot of them have webcams,as do i,and ill visit like all the time and stuff like that its just..i dont know its one of those things thats hard to explain.I just hope that once im there i can actually have a relationship with Danny..like..see him and stuff..not just like talk on the computer or phone.Sometimes that flickers into my head that maybe it wont work out..maybe itll blow up in my face and itll suck..alot and ill be stuck im my own little world,constantly thinknig about how my life is..homely.Im always looking at guys at school,ones i have crushes on obviously,and thinking what it would be like to be in a relationship with them..maybe thats my problem..i think too much about that stuff and that im digging myself into a collosal hole of dispair and lonelyness.Thats usually my problem sometimes..i think too much..i sometimes over analyze the smallest things..trying to find some hidden meaning to it or what its philisophically means.But all i know is that its fast approaching,the day of demise,and i dont know how ill react when it happens..and how my reaction will effect my friends reactions.

Longing and Bothersome behaviour

2007-05-27T21:36:00.001-03:00

Well schools tomorrow..blah!I really dislike school nowadays..dont know what it is but its..bothersome i guess you could say.I dont know why but it is and i dont like it at all.Iam totally obsessed with the song Teardrops on my Guitar by Taylor Swift,it is so beautiful and i just love it so much!I like that song and Our song by Taylor..theyre both really good.Oh for my bday i got a new digital camera!It is so kick a!I love it!!Im kinda meh right now..mostly cuz my Danny is in Clevland..hes getting back today but i havent talked to him yet which sucks but hopefully soon cuz i miss him:(Well that should be it for now..did i mention i dislike school..i hope so cuz its so very true!

Partay Time:P

2007-05-26T13:56:00.001-03:00

Ya its just a few mins before my partay is set to begin!!WOOT!..well it probably wont be that fun..we'll just watch some movies..hang..goof off lol.but i just came to write this..oh someones ehre already damn them!lol

A Day in Celebration of Me:)

2007-05-23T18:22:00.000-03:00

Well today is the most glorious day in the history of glorious days..ITS MY BDAY!!!GO ME!!Its my sweet 16 lol man i cant believe its already here like it hasnt been any time at all!Times flying by so frggin fast..but back to a more interesting subject..ME!I got cookies made for me by Jillian and Hailey made me a very awesome cookie..cake..thing..it had icing and it was awesome and it led into Alicia telling my about when she made a giant cookie thing that was shaped like a penis..it was fun:)I really dont wanna present my music thing tomorrow cuz its really embaressing and that sort of nonsense either way its gonna suck but i might not be going to school anyways cuz my sister like fell yesterday and hurt her like tailbone and she can barely walk so im gonna see if shes able to stay home.Oh and im having my party on Saturday and its gonna be bitchin!We're gonna probably just watch movies and goof off like usual lol But besides that my week is gonna be boring lol.

Musical Appendages:)

2007-05-22T16:18:00.000-03:00

Well im at home and im with Alicia,Michelle,and Cody and we're recoring our fantabulous musical.Theyre currently reading all my notes and commenting on them..yes my personal life read aloud by my noisey friends!Today was amusingly fun because of so many things i cant even remember why but it was hilarious..oh i remember!!!It was something that happened from American Dad "He was born from the Hell spawn of a whore and a slut" lol i was crying laughing so hard!!!Anywyas i better go and stop them from reading them any further!

A Labyrinthine Diamond hunt

2007-05-21T10:25:00.001-03:00

Well its a monday and its Victoria day which means i dont have school and its my moms birthday!Well i have a heftilly(ya dont know if that makes sense) couple of days ahead i mean my dad is flying to Ontario for my grandfathers funeral so itll be me,my brother and my sister.I have to get my sister up,get her ready for school,take her to the bus stop,go to school come home get her from the neighbours,makes supper,get her to do her homework then get her to bed...ya im sure there a connection between all;Me.My brother will be working most of the time so itll basically be me doing everythnig as usual and what sucks even more is that i have a musical to film at my house during the next..two days i believe and that sucks cuz my birthday is on wednesday..oh heres a nice present a crap load of work.I mean its bad enough that everything seems to keep going downhill and my grandfather didnt mean to die but its all so..why know?i mean at one of the most stressfull times in my life so far and all this happens and i know it sounds selfish but im almost never selfish..im actually the opposite alot of the times..a pushover.But i should probably stop complaining now and talk about something else..like yesterday.Well yesterday was pretty good..i woke up at like..12 then went on the comp and talked to Danny and Chels then went grocery shopping and then came home,ate and watched Pans Labyrinth,which was really good except it was brutally gorey which i didnt like but i liked it otherwise,then i watched Blood Diamond which was really good too but part way through we stopped it so i could watch Family Guy which was hilarious as usual.That was basically my evening.

2007-05-18T22:19:00.000-03:00

Ya im right tired..like my eyelids are like slowly falling down.Im just talkin to Chels and my Danny boi on msn but im gonna head off soon cuz im so tired..i dont know why cuz i slept in till like 12 so meh i dont ask questions i just know im tired lol.

Friday revelations

2007-05-18T13:05:00.000-03:00

Well its friday which is awesome-tastic and what makes it better is the fact that im at home cuz i have the day off!!!YAY!I now have a five day weekend!I m so happy about it..but yet i still have nothing to do which is saddening.Hopefully ill go to Michelles tomorrow and help out with there wicked yardsale!lol.I think im an addict..i mean im so obsessed with facebook(thats probably not what you expected me to say).I dont even know why tis so addictive..but it is and its so friggin awesome!Y'all should get it its so kool..i think ive mentioned that lol.But anyways i just stopped by to say that.

A stomach tumbling notion

2007-05-17T08:57:00.000-03:00

Im at home right now cuz i feel intensly sick like in the...up-chuck kinda way.I tried to go to sleep but that didnt help cuz id keep rolling onto my stomach and have that...blah feeling lol.Well im so totally pissed at the outcome of American Idol last night..i mean Melinda Doolittle got voted off!Probably the best singer they had and she got voted off.Well its now between Blake Lewis and Jordin Sparks..Jordins obviously gonna win..shes much better but id rather see Melinda in the finals...so now im miffed and im not gonna watch the finale cuz im that bitter lol.

A hYpEr KiNd Of AcTiViTy

2007-05-14T19:08:00.000-03:00

Well its 9 days until my birthday and Carly's,a girl in my class, we randomly found out we have the same bday..it was exctiing lol.Im kinda hyper for no apparent reason im like just all like akfjbruighroign....i hope that was understandable!Ya see im right the hyper lol that didnt even sound like it made sense but oh well its already written and i dont feel like pressing backspace to change it.Well in music class we have to write and perform a musical and it should be right awesome i mean c;mon we're doing disney songs cuz ya thats how we roll..and by we i mean me,alicia,michelle and cody.Im gonna be singing "Reflections" from Mulan lol its gonna be awesome.Im apparently writing the script so it should be the best part besides my solo lol.But hopefully itll be good enough to keep my awesomely high mark of like 96 :P take that alicia lol.Ya i might as well stop for now cuz that was basically it i mean i have no life lol.

Anger For A Saturday Treat

2007-05-12T14:46:00.000-03:00

Well its saturday and im still in my crappy mood and the day didnt help it at all.I really cant understand how my dad bitches and complains about how we dont have enough money to pay the bills but he goes and buys an ipod and new shoes along with my moms mothers day gift.Like next time he bitches about it im just gonna go 'oh didnt you just buy an ipod you twat!?' and like everyone got some sort of thing while we were out and what did i get..oh ya the bag it all came in.I mean i dont know what it is but im apparently the unliked child and my sister is the spoiled ass.Its aggrevating at times..well all the time like its just..urrghh im supossed to be the 'mature one' but my sisters a bitch and its just i hate them so much at times and then other times theyre tolerable at best.I honestly cant wait till im on my own..away from them and away from all the family crap which i cant stand.Well im just pissed so im gonna stop for now.

my friday mood.

2007-05-11T23:39:00.000-03:00

Well im in right the weird mood now..i dont know what it is i mean i had a hilariously good time today and stuff and i was all happy-go-lucky and then i got home and i was like right..blah.I mean its probably just one of those times where everything is just sinking in more and more until its burrowed its way into my head.I mean like the only guy ive like ever liked,Dna as his code name is,and we now live like 19 hours away and will soon be like..2 hours away and thats still like..comforting but..how will we see each other and will anything happen and...theres so many things!!*sighs*its all so perclepting,and that is a word i know it lol,i mean i wish we could be together...i could hug him..and have him hug me back and we just stand there in each others arms and the more i think about that the more i want it and the more i get all..in this mood.The more virtual msn hugs i give him the more i want the real ones and the more i feel alone and that sucks alot..majorly!Hopefully it'll all round out in the end...but it most likely wont knowing the craptastic luck i have and all the messed up stuff that seems to happen to me and all this stuff!But besides waiting for that the only other thing im waiting for is my eyebrow to heal so i can change the barbel to a snazey black one!But ya ill end it there for tonight cuz im a little tired and i think i need sleep to get this crappy stuff out of my mind so i leave it at that.

Words of thought and change

2007-05-08T18:07:00.000-03:00

Well tomorrow my birthday will be in two weeks..so i guess that makes today a day and two weeks before my bday.It is a beautiful day today i mean the sun is shining,its like 20 degrees celcius and there is that perfect breeze that ties the whole excellence together.Today was interesting..especially the first class today...it was a...touchy conversation.We were originally talking about the book "Lord of the Flies" and we were taking notes on the nature of man throughout the novel and my teacher was saying how the author believes that everyone has that piece of evil in them its whether they have the sense to keep it locked or not..whether they know it or not and whether they choose to be evil or not.Well this went into a kid whispering 'gay' and of coruse she caught it and was saying "Like (person) has so inately mentioned..do homosexuals know they are that way or is it just kind of forced onto them" and a girl in the class was saying how her cousin knew that he was gay every since..well like forever.Well this kinda made me all nervous cuz well im gay and stuff and only like my closest friends know and stuff so i just felt myself getting really..uncomfortable and 'hot under the collar' because there are some people in the class who are..well..they arent very gay friendly people.And the whole conversation made me think about it and i realized it..that ive known like since i was little that i was different..not in like appearance or..the way my family was..but me..who i was..like who my friends are which were all girls except for like a few guys.I mean like i was always thinking 'what is it..what makes me different from the next guy' and then i realized when i was sitting next to a classmate in like..the 5th grade i just thought to myself 'whoa..hes...hes cute' and it was then i was like..thats what it is..thats why im different.It feels kind of..opressing to have people say 'oh gay people should be shot' or other stuff like that and its just like..i feel afraid to tell people that im gay i mean...it makes thing alot more difficult..i mean its not that i want to be straight or anything because well ive found an amazing guy and i dont think id be able to find that if i was straight.I mean most people find the talk of gay people touchy,others think nothnig of it..like they are the openminded people who could care less if youre gay or straight or bi its just about you..and then there are the people who think that it is morally and ethically wrong to be gay.Alot of the times its men who are homophobes...im sure they would enjoy some big-boobed blondes going at it..its the same thing as two guys...i mean theyre just..i dont even know what.I mean its not like im some dancing fairie,sprinkling glitter around,blonde highlights and french tips..like i like to play sports...im intellectual..i mean i admit at times i can be 'gay' according to the stereotype(sp) but you know at times i couldnt care less and other times im just like 'oh god i wish that didnt happen'.But the whole thing is stupid i mean the whole whether or not gay people should be aloud to get married is a bunch of bs!Basically what theyre saying is that a man and a woman who cant even stand each other have more of a right to get married then two men/woman who love each other and would do anything for the other.Like if you have a problem with same-sex couples..dont get into a relationship with someone of the same-sex..there..ends that.I wish that the world wasnt as messed as it was..that i could live my life with the person that i love and would do anything for instead of being worried 'are they gonna figure out im gay' or 'i hope everyone wont hate me if i tell them' but a wish is a wish and it will probably never come true unless the facts are shown that like the small comments hurt people..that most teens commit suicide because they were made fun of for being gay and that you can get AIDS if youre straight.Its just screwed up that people think all this crappy stuff...i mean and they have no..empathy for gay people that have to go through this suffering..i mean teenagers wanting to die because of this..disgusting slander that people spew into the air.Thats what the government should be shown..pictures of teenagers suicides to show how severe this issue is..i mean it wont end all the homophobia but hopefully it will open the eyes of many people and reveal that its not like gay people are aliens and have corrosive acid for blood..theyre..well we're human beings and it hurts just as much if you make some reference to a 'faggot' or 'fairey' as if you were called a 'fat pig' or 'ugly monster'.People should just try and make the realization that ya theyre gay but theyre the same..i mean im always me and people still like me..but if i told them that im gay im sure,in their eyes, i would morph into some hideous being.My final not i guess would be that dont judge people just because they like someone of the same-sex cuz thats much worse then judging someone on how they look...it has the same effect as racism has on people..its the same prejudice actions and we made most racism go away i think we should try and rid the world of this other disgusting prejudice;Homophobia.

sunday reasonings.

2007-05-06T13:04:00.000-03:00

Well im just sitting here..listening to Mary J Blige and chatting with my bestest bud,Dan.Well i have to go around 2 today because there is an open house so i gotta go..i dont know where but just out apparently.I also found out like the exact day im leaving which sucks but hey at least ill be prepared for it and not have the day come and fiund out then thats when im leaving but either way it sucks..alot.Im still trying to get ahold of blogging whenever i get that..talking feeling but ive been donig good so far:)so go me!

2007-05-05T18:32:00.000-03:00

Ya i randomly came by this in my youtube trips and i love it!Patti is so amazing!

2007-05-05T18:29:00.000-03:00

Ya i love this video its probably one of Kelly Clarkson's best.

random thoughts

2007-05-04T13:59:00.000-03:00

Well im like..i dont really know..im bored and kinda sad and a little irritated.I dont know..it must be everything like all the stuff thats happened and the stuff that seems to be happening..i cant really catch a solid break.I mean its just one heart wrentching thing after the other..whether its with my friends or relatives or just life in general..it seems to be going to hell in a handbasket.Ya everyone is bummed about me moving and iam too and stuff but..i dont know..theres also a part of me that kinda wants to go..and i really dont like that im feeling that but its there and i shouldnt ignore it..or should i?..i dont know.Im always saying to everyone that 'you should be honest and stuff cuz you'll feel better' but at the same time im being so hypacritical i mean im not honest all the time and i know it..and my closest friends know it too.Id like to just go 'alright heres everything..its all out in the open..its me' but it'd be harder than it sounds..i mean revealing all myself to everyone is one of those things thats like either soul shattering or inspiring and uplifting and i dont know which one it would be for me.Anyone who's in this posiion knows what im talking about..and almost everyone is in this situation and it sucks and people dont realize that it does they look and say 'whoa what a happy person' but thats just one of those masks that im able to put on so i dont hurt anyone with my emotions.Im like right now im so..mixed up on the inside..i mean so many emotions tugging at me and trying to escape no matter what it takes for them to be free and sometimes id like to give into them.I mean i help people with their problems and when they ask if im alright i do the usual 'oh ya of course im fine' when im not..not at all.Sometimes i think my friends are intune and know that im lying and we have a big 'tell all' but then other times i seem to be so good at hiding my feelings that they think im fine.Im not saying that they are bad friends cuz that would be a total lie cuz they are so awesome and stuff but you know its just one of those feelings i get and that i put away to tear at me.Im also losing site of the stuff that i used to love doing..like writing...i used to love pulling out my story and writing like a whole 20 page chapter but now its like i find it..bothersome and challenging and i dont know why..its the same way with drawing..i was so full of ideas and now..nothing..just an empty expanse of..nothing.Ive found myself not wanting to talk to people on the computer..and would just rather sit and do nothing..listen to music but i want people to acknowledge me and stuff so its just amazingly messed up and twisted and id really prefer if i didnt have to feel that.Oh and if you want a good song to listen to when youre feeling like..crappy like this listen to The best is yet to come by SR-71..its really good and true.Ill end it here for now cuz thats all the stuff that has seemed to get out.

2007-05-03T18:57:00.000-03:00

This is like slightly old news..like..from a couple days but i got my eyebrow pierced!yay!go me!im so sexy!lol ya most people like it then others are..well...lets not refer to them cuz ya they suck lol.It like didnt hurt at all..it only kinda stung a bit..but besides that it didnt hurt..and thats coming from me,someone who stubs their toe and is like in tears.

2007-05-03T18:03:00.000-03:00

whoa first blog!

Ya ive had like other blogs..like myspace and on my website..but this is like..official!?Thanks Alicia..i probably wouldnt have signed up for this had it not been for youre fantastical blog:PIm gonna try and do this frequently...cant promise anything lol.

*Clumsy fool*